Saturday, May 16, 2009

Storytime With Erik Bedard (featuring a guest storyteller)


Who are you?
Where is Erik?
Erik isn't here today. He has a tight hamstring.
What does ham have to do with it?

Does he have food poisoning?
Uh... no
What am I supposed to do again?
Stories!
You're supposed to tell the children a story.
Ah okay I can do that.

Right.
Tell us a story!
Okay okay
There was once an emperor who spent all his money on nice clothes.
He always wanted to be the best dressed so that's what he bought
These guys came to town offering to make the emperor new clothes
They said their fabric was invisible, and the emperor believed them
They were actually swindlers.
What's a swindler?
He's a liar.
Swindlers try to sell people used cars.
yeah, you could say that.
That's part of the problem with capitalism.
Uh
Once you allow man to conduct business free of regulation-
SHUT UP AND LET HIM CONTINUE THE STORY
Uh yeah... so, uh, the emperor totally bought it and wore it
And
Uh
Yeah? And?
the Aristocrats!

The end!


You have got to be shi-
That is the worst ending I have ever heard.
I could do your job better.
It was a good story and you ruined it!
Uh, sorry. I tell you another.
This one better be better!
So there was this old couple out in the woods and they had no kids.
Why not?
I guess they were infertile.

So they wanted a kid.
The grandma made a gingerbread cookie in the shape of a kid
And magically, when it was done, a little gingerbread man jumped out!
Wow!
And he rolled up to a house about seven or eight
And he yelled to the cabbie, "Yo homie smell you later!"
Looked at his kingdom, he was finally there.
And he could sit on his throne as the Prince of Bel Air.
The end!

You did it again, stupid!
Uh
You have another good story and you blew it AGAIN
In Quebec they would gun you down like Dino Bravo for this.
Uhhh
We want Erik back!
He's weird but he doesn't tell stories with stupid endings!
I'm starting to get the shakes. I need to go.
I'll give you le shakes, white boy

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