
: Three bears lived in a cottage.

: Don't bears live in caves?

: Yes, but they secured financing for 5.05% on a fine cottage in the woods.

: Bears can't get loans.

: There are some men of alternate lifestyles in San Francisco who disagree.

:

: Al...

: Alternate?

: Anyway, the three bears made porridge.

: Then they went out in the woods.

: I have no idea why they didn't eat first.

: Maybe they weren't hungry.

: But then they cooked porridge.

: Who cooks Scottish oatmeal and leaves before eating it?

: Whole Foods?

: Some little tramp named Goldilocks broke and entered.

: No one called the cops because it's the middle of the woods.

: She tasted the three bowls, and ate one.

: You missed the best part!

:

: What

: The baby bear's was too cold. The mama bear's was too hot. And the papa bear's was JUUUUUST right.

:

: So you were there?

: No!

: How do you know this?

: I think you're the Goldilocks in this story.

: Haha no I'm not.

: No I think you are.

: You're silly!

: I'm calling the dean.

:

: What

: Breaking and entering is a crime, young lady.

: Come on!

: So is tampering with personal property.

: I didn't do anything!

: [picks up phone]

: Stop it! I didn't do nothing!

: Can I have the dean come down here, please? I have a confession to the porridge theft.

: [hangs up]

: The dean is on his way.

: You can't do this!

: I just did.
[Hallway door opens]

: WHERE IS SHE

: EEEEEEEEEEEE

: Here she is.

: YOU ATE MY COUNTRY GRAVY OATMEAL I MEAN PORRIDGE.

: NOOOOOOOOOO

: TIME FOR DETENTION

: [grabs girl by neck, leaves, slams hallway door]

:

: The end.

:

: [opens door]

: Time for recess.

: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

:
[Hallway door opens]

: ¡Esa era deliciosa!

:

:

:

: Lo siento, no es el lavabo.

: [Shuts door]

:

:

: Wait... country gravy oatmeal?
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