Sunday, April 12, 2009

Storytime with Erik Bedard: The Three Little Bears

: Three bears lived in a cottage.
: Don't bears live in caves?
: Yes, but they secured financing for 5.05% on a fine cottage in the woods.
: Bears can't get loans.
: There are some men of alternate lifestyles in San Francisco who disagree.
:
: Al...
: Alternate?
: Anyway, the three bears made porridge.
: Then they went out in the woods.
: I have no idea why they didn't eat first.
: Maybe they weren't hungry.
: But then they cooked porridge.
: Who cooks Scottish oatmeal and leaves before eating it?
: Whole Foods?
: Some little tramp named Goldilocks broke and entered.
: No one called the cops because it's the middle of the woods.
: She tasted the three bowls, and ate one.
: You missed the best part!
:
: What
: The baby bear's was too cold. The mama bear's was too hot. And the papa bear's was JUUUUUST right.
:
: So you were there?
: No!
: How do you know this?
: I think you're the Goldilocks in this story.
: Haha no I'm not.
: No I think you are.
: You're silly!
: I'm calling the dean.
:
: What
: Breaking and entering is a crime, young lady.
: Come on!
: So is tampering with personal property.
: I didn't do anything!
: [picks up phone]
: Stop it! I didn't do nothing!
: Can I have the dean come down here, please? I have a confession to the porridge theft.
: [hangs up]
: The dean is on his way.
: You can't do this!
: I just did.
[Hallway door opens]
: WHERE IS SHE
: EEEEEEEEEEEE
: Here she is.
: YOU ATE MY COUNTRY GRAVY OATMEAL I MEAN PORRIDGE.
: NOOOOOOOOOO
: TIME FOR DETENTION
: [grabs girl by neck, leaves, slams hallway door]
:
: The end.
:
: [opens door]
: Time for recess.
: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
:
[Hallway door opens]
: ¡Esa era deliciosa!
:
:
:
: Lo siento, no es el lavabo.
: [Shuts door]
:
:
: Wait... country gravy oatmeal?

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