Friday, April 24, 2009

Storytime with Erik Bedard: Little Red Riding Hood

: A young lady named Red Riding Hood went to visit her grandma.
: She ran into a child predator named-
: The Big Bad Wolf!
: She walked through the forest!
: Right, and if there’s one place you don’t want to walk through alone at night…
: It’s the forest.
: And I guess the ghetto, but that’s way more than one place.
: Lots of gangbangers too.
: What are gangbangers?
: A great way to get your shoes, coat and you hat taken.
: Why do they take your stuff?
: Gangbanging doesn’t pay well. It’s like going to Wal-Mart for them.
: Anyway, Red Riding Hood ran into the wolf.
: The wolf asked her where she was going.
: Like someone with a deathwish, she told him the truth.
: What’s a deathwish?
: Driving through Compton with the car doors unlocked.
: So the girl tells this wolf she’s never seen before exactly where she’s going.
: "I’m going to see my grandma," she says. And she leaves.
: Now, even though she didn’t tell him the address….
: The wolf knew exactly where she lived.
: How did he know?
: He’s a prowler that’s into older women.
: He keeps a black book too.
: Anyway, he’s thinking fresh meat, double dip.
: Is he thinking Arby’s?
: That’s one way to put it.
: I like the roast beef and cheese sandwich!
: I like the curly fries.
: The wolf, meanwhile, likes grandma and Red Riding Hood.
: He goes into grandma’s house and eats her.
: I’m going to spare the details because you’re kids.
: Was she delicious?
: Don’t make me answer that.
: I’m hungry.
: I’ll spare you the details.
: [open door]
: Time for recess.
: "Was she delicious?"
: What kind of kid asks a question like that?

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