Class sizes are increasing and there's only of me. Therefore I now have an assistant to help manage the class. Say hello to Phillipe.
HI PHILLIPE! Do you talk? Phillipe is from Quebec. Where is Quebec? My dad says it's the part of Canada where all the dirty bastard French come from. That's not very nice. That's what he- [lifts kid by neck] TONIGHT YOU DINE ON DETENTION SOUP EEEEEEEEEEEEE Put him down, Phillipe. EEEEEEEEEE It's not that kid's fault he's raised by ignorant, closed minded parents. [puts down kid] [whimpers] Everyone behave themselves and no one gets hurt.
EEEEEEEE What's the matter? I don't know. The child started screaming for no reason. HE'S A DEMON HE'S A DEMON That's not very nice. Why do you say that, young man? YOU'RE A DEMON YOU MADE DEMON EYES AND TEETH That is absurd. I think you're just nervous because he got mad. NO HE'S A DEMON Phillipe is new to our country and he can be quite scary. He means no harm. I am here to help. YOU'RE A DEMON [looks around] Where is today's story? EEEEEEEEEEEE WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING? HE'S A DEMON HE'S A DEMON I don't know what scares him so. I will send you to the nurse. [picks up phone] EEEEEEEEEE I have an unruly child that's rather upset for no reason. Please bring the nurse. FEAST ZOMGZOMGEEEEEEEEEE I see. [hangs up] I will have to go find the nurse. I will be right back. Phillipe will watch you. NONONONONONONO Behave yourselves. [leaves room] EEEEEEEEEE[Room turns blood red]
EEEEEEEEEEEE I HAVE A STORY ABOUT THE CONSUMPTION OF SOULS. EEEEEEEEEEEE A CALVARY OF PATRIOT CRUSADERS ONCE TRIED TO DEFEAT THE DEMONIC MEANCES OF THE NORTH. THEY ROUTED THE FRONT LINES AND HAD THE STRONGHOLD SURROUNDED THEY SENT THEIR THREE GREATEST WARRIORS TO DEFEAT THEIR LEADER ONE WAS A FRESH FACED GOLDEN WARRIOR FROM QUEENS. THE OTHER WAS ARSEFACE, A PATIENT BEARDED MAN FROM BOSTON. THE THIRD WAS A SPEEDY, POWERFUL MOOR FROM DETROIT WE SHALL CALL HACKER THE GOLDEN WARRIOR WAS PROMPTLY DEVOURED IN A SEA OF PURE WHITE FLESH THAT MORPHED INTO SHADES OF RED, WHITE AND BLUE BUT MOSTLY RED AS IT CRUNCHED BETWEEN THE LEADER'S JAWS EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ARSEFACE SCREAMED AND CHARGED WITH ALL HIS MIGHT, A DECISION UNCHARACTERISTIC OF THE PATIENT TACTFUL WARRIOR. WITH ONE POWERFULLY DEMONIC SWIPE THE LEADER SENT ARSEFACE FLYING HIGH INTO THE AIR BEYOND SIGHT, NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN UNTIL HE LANDED CHEST FIRST ON THE PEAK OF A GREAT ICY MOUNTAIN SPIRE FAR AWAY WHICH IMPALED HIM EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE DESPITE KNOWING HE FACED INEVITABLE DEFEAT, HACKER CHARGED FORTH WITH ALL HIS MIGHT AND TOOK A MIGHTY SWING AND HIS SWORD RECOILED WITH NO EFFECT SO POWERFULLY OFF THE LEADER'S LOWER BODY THAT THE HACKER'S ARMS BROKE FROM HIS BODY AS HE SCREAMED AND BLOOD POURED FROM THE NOW DISENGAGED STUMPS, THE LEADER STOPPED DOWN AND DEVOURED HIM IN ONE BITE LIKE A PIECE OF FINE SUSHI EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE MMMM SUSHI WITH THE PATRIOTS' FINEST WARRIORS VANQUISHED THE DEMONIC FORCES RALLIED AND DROVE BACK THOSE WOP YANKEE BITCHES. AND HERE I AM, THE LEADER, TO SPREAD FORTH THE MESSAGES OF DEMONIC DOGMA AND EAT YOUR SOULS EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE[Room turns back to normal color. Door opens]
I couldn't find the nurse. [whimpers] They are behaved. [whimper] And yet they are broken. I guess there's only one thing I can do for now. [whimpers] [opens door] Time for recess. [runs outside] EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Look at them run like bats out of hell. Wow, those kids have some problems today.
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