"I am the Cleveland Genie and grant you three wishes, as long as none of them suck or I will destroy your insides."
"Okay, I wish for a Super Bowl title."
"Screw that, you're the Chiefs"
"AGHGHGHGHGHH"
The Bears' new Skullf**ker defense was, like their other schemes, also a failure
Sensing a lost season, the New York Giants paid $20 million to sign, then genetically mutate Terry Bradshaw into a dark, hulk-like version of himself... and it turns out the old man still can't throw a decent pass
A new Photos feature: Deep Thoughts (In Medias Res)
"DID YOU TAKE MY HAM SANDWICH"
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT"
"TELL ME WHERE MY HAM SANDWICH IS"
"I DON'T KNOW LET GO OF MEEEEE"
This week in NFL Interpretive Dance: The Cabbage Patch is the Dance of Death
"We're the Underacheiving Chicago Crew
Shufflin' down the standings just for you
We're so bad we know we're not good
Blowin' our season like you knew we would
You're know when we play we're phonin' in in
Crapping the bed and costin' us wins
Our head coach is in deep ass trouble
We're here to do the 6-10 shuffle"
"Yo, Antonio. Yo mama's so fat she gained ANOTHER ten pounds while I picked off this pass"
"OH SNAP"
"DID YOU TAKE MY HAM SANDWICH"
"I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T TAKE YOUR DAMN SANDWICH"
"TELL ME WHERE MY HAM SANDWICH IS"
"STOP IT I DIDN'T TAKE ANYTHING FROM YOU"
Bo Scaife's flying thrust kick does 15 yards worth of penalty damage
Genius that he is, Vince Young accidentally came out dressed for flag football
"Psst... yo Bryant. You suck. Your team sucks. Your mama don't even like you. Your-"
"Dude, my ear's up here. Stop whispering into my ribs"
Mark Sanchez has a lot to learn but did win the halftime Shot Put Blitz Challenge
CRUNK DANCE OFF TIME
Steve Breaston swims through a sea of suck to score the touchdown
"Look guys, this is how William Hayes runs to the lard trough at his mom's house when she calls DINNERTIME"
"DIE BITCH"
"Hey, is that Delta Airlines? YOU ASSHOLES STOLE MY LUGGAGE"
"That rohypnol I put in Drew Brees' breakfast should kick in right about... NOW"
"Hurrrmmrgfff"
"PERFECT"
"I'm a Ram. If I touch you, you will get infected with my Sucky Player Disease. Observe."
"Ughhhh"
"WELCOME TO THE CLUB, FRESH MEAT"
"WHAT CLUB"
"THE 'FRESH MEAT IS FRESH' CLUB. LET'S TAKE YOU TO DADDY"
The Bears' Stand on Our Shoulders defense? Yep, failure too
Bernard Pollard tries in vain to slay the mighty Medusa
"Here, take the handoff white boy."
"Nurrrrr"
"Hee hee, good boy."
"YEAH ME TOUCHDOWN"
"Does he know the game's been over for 20 minutes?"
"No and that's the best part"
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