"Your breasteses are so soft and-"
And suddenly catching the ball was the last thing on Larod's mind.
The NFL's experimental butts-up red zone rule quickly fizzled and was forgotten
DeSean Jackson discovers the hidden invisible staircase at the Meadowlands and climbs his way to safety
Nobody told Quintin Mikell about the Sparkle-Ball in play and let's just say it damn near scared the breakfast right out of him
NO AUTOGRAPHS BITCH
"NUT BUMP TIME"
Aliens over Oakland picked out an inopportune time and place to test out the beta version of their new hoverbeam
"I BET YOUR FACE SMELLS DELICIOUS LET ME SMELL"
This week in NFL Interpretive Dance: The Comet of Karma Strikes Jerry Jones Early
JaMarcus Russell's body weight is 20% fat, 30% suck and, as Andre Carter found out, very difficult to bring down
"Hey Matt let me show you the Off-Tackle Tango"
"NOW IS NOT A GOOD TIME"
The next person to figure out what either team was trying to do here will be the first
Seahawks apparently crap footballs in Texas
Chris Long tries to de-pants Kerry Collins and discovers to his horror that this was the actual color of Kerry's bare legs
"WAIT... AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS. IS MAN MEANT TO HOLD ONTO THE FOOTBALL... OR IS FOOTBALL MEANT TO HOLD ONTO MAN. A MOMENT... TO THINK...."
"See, you catch it like THIS"
"WOW... thanks, Santonio!"
"Sure thing, young man. Maybe someday, Cleveland Browns, you too can learn how to play football."
Eric Smith's Honky-Ninja skills are more than enough to floor the hopeless Bucs
"Like this, Santonio?"
"... no. You catch the ball. Not ME."
Witness the evolution of the Denver Broncos as Joseph Addai's leap warps the fabric of space and time
"UM GUYS I THINK THIS SUMO MATCH IS A BIT UNFAIR"
Dallas Clark becomes the unfortunate first man to catch the designated Gumby Ball
"My... my insides... feel like... melted... tiramisu"
"MY MIND IS TELLING ME NOOOOOOOOO
... BUT MY BODYYYYYYYYYYYY'S TELLING ME YESSSSSSSSS"
If I'm a Lions fan, I see a LOT wrong... with a little bump and grind.
Congratulations, Tim Jennings! You are the Chosen One! You have won a long and painful fall from the roof of Lucas Oil Stadium!
Anthony Hargrove is about to get a lecture from Saints coaches on why a T-Bone Suplex to your teammate is not a proper way to celebrate an interception
"So... we score touchdown... like this?"
"Man, I'm glad we're playing the Lions"