
>:(

>:(

what's the matter?

YOU SAID YOU WERE INJURED

But I was injured.

OH REALLY

What are you talking about?

THEN HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THIS



IF YOU WERE INJURED THEN WHAT WERE YOU DOING THERE?

YOU SURE LOOK HAPPY FOR SOMEONE WITH A HURT SHOULDER

Kids

I can explain

NO YOU CAN'T

YOU LIED TO US ERIK

YOU WEREN'T INJURED AT ALL

WE WENT TO THE HOSPITAL EVERYDAY AND YOU WEREN'T THERE

ALL WE SAW WAS THE DEAN ASKING US TO BUY HIM HAMBURGERS

Kids I wasn't at the hospital

OBVIOUSLY

YOU WERE OUT FISHING WITH THAT ANGELS PITCHER

Jarrod hasn't pitched for the Angels in years

YEAH WE BELIEVE YOU

WE'LL BELIEVE ANYTHING YOU SAY, LIAR

Okay this isn't fair

YOU KNOW WHAT'S NOT FAIR?

MAKING US SIT HERE A MONTH WITHOUT STORIES

ALL BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO GO FISHING

WHAT KIND OF ROLE MODEL ARE YOU?

YOU COULDN'T EVEN GET PHILLIPPE TO READ FOR US

Phillippe can't read

WHERE IS HE ANYWAY?

OH LET ME GUESS HE'S FISHING TOO- I MEAN INJURED

Phillippe is in Tennessee

Kids I don't think you understand

OH I THINK WE DO

YOU DON'T RESPECT US

That's not true

Let me explain with a story

OH REALLY TELL US A STORY

YOU SURE YOU DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE HALFWAY THROUGH TO GO FISHING?

This story actually happened.

SURE IT DID

Once upon a time, a man named Bill ran a baseball team

IS BILL A PATHOLOGICAL LIAR TOO?



You know... I could just leave.



So how about you kids chill and let me explain?




GO AHEAD AND TELL YOUR STORY

Cool.

The reason I'm here is because Bill traded half his team to get me.

He did this because I'm good at baseball.

I showed up and did my job the best I could.

However, because Bill traded so many players to get me

And because I'm supposed to be good

Fan and team expectations were very high.

I also had a lot of injuries in Baltimore

So fans were worried I'd end up injured.

The first time I got hurt and had to miss time

Mariner fans got angry and they called me a pussy

What's a p-

You really don't want to know the specifics

But it means you're a wimp

Why did they call you that?

Because they thought I could play through the pain, but didn't want to.

They didn't realize I had torn cartilage that needed surgery.

This upset me greatly.

So after I got better, I decided next time that I got hurt

I wasn't going to let it bother me.

During this season, I found out Jarrod Washburn liked fishing.

When I hurt my shoulder, I didn't want to stay inside

I felt good enough to hold a fishing pole, so...


Now I feel bad.

You think you feel bad now, imagine if Phillippe were here

We're sorry.

I appreciate that, though I get why you'd be mad

But as long as you learn something, we're cool.

And speaking of injured people playing hooky

Look what the dean's been up to:


EWWWWWWWW

EWWWWWWWW

You think that's bad? You should see him at brunch.