NFL Photos for Week 15

Ahh, invisible loungerrrrr... where's my bong?


"I am the Cleveland Genie and grant you three wishes, as long as none of them suck or I will destroy your insides."
"Okay, I wish for a Super Bowl title."
"Screw that, you're the Chiefs"
"AGHGHGHGHGHH"


The Bears' new Skullf**ker defense was, like their other schemes, also a failure


Sensing a lost season, the New York Giants paid $20 million to sign, then genetically mutate Terry Bradshaw into a dark, hulk-like version of himself... and it turns out the old man still can't throw a decent pass


A new Photos feature: Deep Thoughts (In Medias Res)


"DID YOU TAKE MY HAM SANDWICH"
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT"
"TELL ME WHERE MY HAM SANDWICH IS"
"I DON'T KNOW LET GO OF MEEEEE"


This week in NFL Interpretive Dance: The Cabbage Patch is the Dance of Death


"We're the Underacheiving Chicago Crew
Shufflin' down the standings just for you
We're so bad we know we're not good
Blowin' our season like you knew we would
You're know when we play we're phonin' in in
Crapping the bed and costin' us wins
Our head coach is in deep ass trouble
We're here to do the 6-10 shuffle"


"Yo, Antonio. Yo mama's so fat she gained ANOTHER ten pounds while I picked off this pass"
"OH SNAP"


"DID YOU TAKE MY HAM SANDWICH"
"I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T TAKE YOUR DAMN SANDWICH"
"TELL ME WHERE MY HAM SANDWICH IS"
"STOP IT I DIDN'T TAKE ANYTHING FROM YOU"


Bo Scaife's flying thrust kick does 15 yards worth of penalty damage


Genius that he is, Vince Young accidentally came out dressed for flag football


"Psst... yo Bryant. You suck. Your team sucks. Your mama don't even like you. Your-"
"Dude, my ear's up here. Stop whispering into my ribs"


Mark Sanchez has a lot to learn but did win the halftime Shot Put Blitz Challenge


CRUNK DANCE OFF TIME


Steve Breaston swims through a sea of suck to score the touchdown


"Look guys, this is how William Hayes runs to the lard trough at his mom's house when she calls DINNERTIME"
"DIE BITCH"


"Hey, is that Delta Airlines? YOU ASSHOLES STOLE MY LUGGAGE"


"That rohypnol I put in Drew Brees' breakfast should kick in right about... NOW"
"Hurrrmmrgfff"
"PERFECT"


"I'm a Ram. If I touch you, you will get infected with my Sucky Player Disease. Observe."
"Ughhhh"


"WELCOME TO THE CLUB, FRESH MEAT"
"WHAT CLUB"
"THE 'FRESH MEAT IS FRESH' CLUB. LET'S TAKE YOU TO DADDY"


The Bears' Stand on Our Shoulders defense? Yep, failure too


Bernard Pollard tries in vain to slay the mighty Medusa


"Here, take the handoff white boy."
"Nurrrrr"
"Hee hee, good boy."


"YEAH ME TOUCHDOWN"
"Does he know the game's been over for 20 minutes?"
"No and that's the best part"

On Paul Pierce's ideas of NBA rule changes

Paul Pierce has three ideas to fix the NBA

1. Eliminate the age limit.
2. Cut the regular season from 82 games to 60.
3. Raise the rim 3 inches to 10'3"

Some thoughts:

The NBA age limit is a joke: Kids just camp at a college for one year, and then turn pro at 19. How they use a scholarship with no intention of getting an actual education or being anything more than a one year mercenary shows the pointlessness of the age limit. There's little difference between a 17 or 18 year old entering the NBA and a 19 year old. If Stern thought going to school mattered, he should have made the age limit 22 or 23.

As for the rim... yeah, there's no way they would do it, especially given you have to dip into international and college basketball and get everyone to do it for it to work, but I think it would do the game some good to force people to learn how to shoot and pass again. The NBA product today, while a little better than recent years, is still garbage and a big reason why is because there's a lack of polished, fundamentally sound basketball.

And I actually agree with his idea for the 60 game season. Much of the season is a giant sleepwalk. We don't need 82 games to figure out who sucks and who doesn't (after 20-25 games, for example, we have a pretty good idea of how good the 2-win Nets are), especially if you're letting more than half the league into the playoffs.

NFL Photos for Week 14

"Your breasteses are so soft and-"
"NMURFURFURF"
And suddenly catching the ball was the last thing on Larod's mind.


The NFL's experimental butts-up red zone rule quickly fizzled and was forgotten


DeSean Jackson discovers the hidden invisible staircase at the Meadowlands and climbs his way to safety


Nobody told Quintin Mikell about the Sparkle-Ball in play and let's just say it damn near scared the breakfast right out of him


NO AUTOGRAPHS BITCH


"NUT BUMP TIME"
"Uh... no."


Aliens over Oakland picked out an inopportune time and place to test out the beta version of their new hoverbeam


"I BET YOUR FACE SMELLS DELICIOUS LET ME SMELL"
"nURHHRFFF"


This week in NFL Interpretive Dance: The Comet of Karma Strikes Jerry Jones Early


JaMarcus Russell's body weight is 20% fat, 30% suck and, as Andre Carter found out, very difficult to bring down


"Hey Matt let me show you the Off-Tackle Tango"
"NOW IS NOT A GOOD TIME"


The next person to figure out what either team was trying to do here will be the first


Seahawks apparently crap footballs in Texas


Chris Long tries to de-pants Kerry Collins and discovers to his horror that this was the actual color of Kerry's bare legs


"WAIT... AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS. IS MAN MEANT TO HOLD ONTO THE FOOTBALL... OR IS FOOTBALL MEANT TO HOLD ONTO MAN. A MOMENT... TO THINK...."


"See, you catch it like THIS"
"WOW... thanks, Santonio!"
"Sure thing, young man. Maybe someday, Cleveland Browns, you too can learn how to play football."


Eric Smith's Honky-Ninja skills are more than enough to floor the hopeless Bucs


"Like this, Santonio?"
"... no. You catch the ball. Not ME."


Witness the evolution of the Denver Broncos as Joseph Addai's leap warps the fabric of space and time


"UM GUYS I THINK THIS SUMO MATCH IS A BIT UNFAIR"


Dallas Clark becomes the unfortunate first man to catch the designated Gumby Ball


"My... my insides... feel like... melted... tiramisu"


"MY MIND IS TELLING ME NOOOOOOOOO
... BUT MY BODYYYYYYYYYYYY'S TELLING ME YESSSSSSSSS"
If I'm a Lions fan, I see a LOT wrong... with a little bump and grind.


Congratulations, Tim Jennings! You are the Chosen One! You have won a long and painful fall from the roof of Lucas Oil Stadium!


Anthony Hargrove is about to get a lecture from Saints coaches on why a T-Bone Suplex to your teammate is not a proper way to celebrate an interception


"So... we score touchdown... like this?"
"Man, I'm glad we're playing the Lions"